She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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