google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Randomize
