I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
