I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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