well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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