Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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