Walk of Shame. In a state park.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
