I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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