He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
