Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Randomize
