he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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