You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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