So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
