Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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