why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
