I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
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