party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Randomize
