yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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