Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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