So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
just tell him i said nine months
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Randomize
