What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
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