Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
