you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
