It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
