Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
