I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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