so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
My pussy is not your playground.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
