I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
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