There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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