I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
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