I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Randomize
