You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
