i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
