you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
