Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
