is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
