I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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