im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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