Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
