i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
