my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
