Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
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