I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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