I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
