I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
