I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
My vagina just clenched in fear
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
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