The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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