I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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