I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
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