He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
