Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
