I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
